Uh Thousand Words

I’m Being Very Nice

Very very nice.

Im currently at a party for a friend that I adore.

Shes lovely. Truly she is.

So lovely, that im willing to be in the same space as someone I recently cut out of my life.

Yeah. Im that nice.

And you know whats funny?

Being in the same room as this person is reminding me why it probably wasnt a bad idea that I cut them out.

Shes an attention whore when men are involved and I’m not sure I want that.

Its interesting how these things come to light.

I’m going to leave. My friend is wonderfully drunk as she should be on her birthday and we’re gonna grab dinner.

2012 is constantly teaching me new things

K.strick

Crying

Losing my grandmother has been harder than I ever imagined.

I have not cried this hard in a long time.

I have seen my entire family cry at the same time.

I was not ready.

I said I was ready but really I wasn’t.

How do you piece yourself back together after such a loss.

I am told time is the answer.

We’ll see. We’ll see.

Love you Julia

My Week In Review

Saturday: Ate lunch at Naan and Curry. Got food poisoning. Drank a steaming cup of salt water. Rew it all up. Yay.

Sunday: after having an otherwise lovely day, went hom and noticed my throat was scratchy.

Monday: go to work, realize I am definitely not well.

Tuesday: I wake up looking worse than the Grimm reaper and have a cough that sounds like a dog bark. Don’t go to work. Sleep and sleep. Realize that my skin is breaking out. Like REALLy breaking out. And then I realize that rashes are breaking out all over my body. Fun.

Wednesday: I wake up, do productive shit, got to my VoiceOver class. Coughing up a storm. Go and visit my sexy man friend, only to go to the bathroom and discover that my face is red, puffy, blotchy, and has rashes all over it. Take off shirt and see rash on stomach. I leave quickly. Get in car, smell dog shit, stop car, look at shoe, confirm that yes, I have stepped in dog shit.

And its only Wednesday people.

It’s only Wednesday….

Stuck

For a while now ( maybe about a month) I’ve been feeling…well, stuck.

Notice I say stuck. Not trapped. Not lost. Not wavering.

Stuck.

Simply….stuck. And stuck on a lot of things.

Stuck on a relationship that is either going to blossom or end or result in me being misunderstood or perfectly understood, but either way….. Stuck on a relationship that needs to change…for better or for worse.

Stuck at a job that holds no promise for me, and sucks the focus and fun out of me.

Stuck in the bay but I can’t move yet, because certain things havent been set in motion.

Stuck waiting for deadlines so I can finally move on, but these deadlines are far away.

Stuck thinking that I”ll turn 25, and maybe have nothing to show for it.

Stuck waiting for a sign that might never come.

Stuck deciding whether or not it’s worth having a friend who can’t be bothered to return five of my phone calls, and why I bother to even give a shit.

Stuck wondering why at 24 I’m still shuffling my friends around…I thought that shit stopped in high school.

Stuck wondering why I’m so opposed to grad school

Stuck

Just plain stuck.

I hate this feeling.

I know it’s growing pains and clarity and understanding will soon follow, but I would love to know if all this will soon pass.

One at a time, I am told.

One at a time.

We’ll see….we’ll see

And I’m done

Next time I have some cava or some champagne I’ll pour some out.

I think this is bullshit but, it is what it is.

Thanks?

Maybe?

Nah.

I cared at first, but now I just think its stupid and not worth a single fuck of my time.

I said I’d stop taking shit. And it starts here.

The first one bites the dust.

2012, let’s keep rolling.